34 Sarcastic Things You Will NEVER Hear A Salesperson Say

We salespeople have to bite our tongue constantly.

Customers, sales managers, gate keepers are constantly testing our limits but of course it’s worth keeping out mouths shut when we receive those commission payments.

Here are 34 sarcastic things you will never hear a salesperson say –


I’m so glad that you’ve changed the commission structure


Yes I’d love to be put on hold


I enjoy customers telling me stats about my own product


I can’t wait to input data into the CRM


‘The challenger Sale’ completely changed the way I lived my life




The presentation app we use works great, every single time


I love wearing suits every, single, day


My customers know more about my products pricing than I do

I’m looking forward to our national sales meeting


We’re finally no longer using spreadsheets!


only one call to close


The prospect only took one call to close


Social selling isn’t complete nonsense


My sales manager is a legend


Not the decision maker? Let’s carry on chatting


It’s more productive to listen to the radio than is it to tune into the Salesman Podcast


adding value


Yes I know what “adding value” means…


Our CRM is so easy to use


They emailed back once, the deal is as good as done


Of course, I’ll just take that ridiculous discount you want and take it out of my commissions


Why don’t you ask your assistant to call my assistant


i love cold calling


I frigging love cold calling


Cold calling is soooo effective


Sure you can have that discount you demanded… we’d be happy to go out of business to increase your profits marginally


I think I’ll have this weekend off


You don’t have the budget? Not to worry!


i love my customers


I love every single on of my customers


Grant Cardone doesn’t have a huge head


It makes me smile so much when my customers add me on Facebook



You’re right! When you shop online you will also get the service that I personally provide…


Our senior management really understand our needs and wants as salespeople


i love long sales meetings


I love long meetings


I get so upset when a customer changes providers…


When a customer tells me how long they’ve been a customer, I smile inside


I can’t wait to get out of here and sit in traffic


What are a couple of sarcastic things that you’d never say?

Leave a comment with them below –


Staff writer at Salesman.Red, ex medical devices salesperson, love for all things influence and sales.

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