We salespeople have to bite our tongue constantly.

Customers, sales managers, gate keepers are constantly testing our limits but of course it’s worth keeping out mouths shut when we receive those commission payments.

Here are 34 sarcastic things you will never hear a salesperson say –

 

I’m so glad that you’ve changed the commission structure

 

Yes I’d love to be put on hold

 

I enjoy customers telling me stats about my own product

 

I can’t wait to input data into the CRM

 

‘The challenger Sale’ completely changed the way I lived my life

 

pres

 

The presentation app we use works great, every single time

 

I love wearing suits every, single, day

 

My customers know more about my products pricing than I do

I’m looking forward to our national sales meeting

 

We’re finally no longer using spreadsheets!

 

only one call to close

 

The prospect only took one call to close

 

Social selling isn’t complete nonsense

 

My sales manager is a legend

 

Not the decision maker? Let’s carry on chatting

 

It’s more productive to listen to the radio than is it to tune into the Salesman Podcast

 

adding value

 

Yes I know what “adding value” means…

 

Our CRM is so easy to use

 

They emailed back once, the deal is as good as done

 

Of course, I’ll just take that ridiculous discount you want and take it out of my commissions

 

Why don’t you ask your assistant to call my assistant

 

i love cold calling

 

I frigging love cold calling

 

Cold calling is soooo effective

 

Sure you can have that discount you demanded… we’d be happy to go out of business to increase your profits marginally

 

I think I’ll have this weekend off

 

You don’t have the budget? Not to worry!

 

i love my customers

 

I love every single on of my customers

 

Grant Cardone doesn’t have a huge head

 

It makes me smile so much when my customers add me on Facebook

 

 

You’re right! When you shop online you will also get the service that I personally provide…

 

Our senior management really understand our needs and wants as salespeople

 

i love long sales meetings

 

I love long meetings

 

I get so upset when a customer changes providers…

 

When a customer tells me how long they’ve been a customer, I smile inside

 

I can’t wait to get out of here and sit in traffic

 

What are a couple of sarcastic things that you’d never say?

Leave a comment with them below –

 

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